Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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