I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had to coat check the pizza.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
