yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
