here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So squirting runs in the family.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
