I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
