and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
