Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
