Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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