I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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