it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
