I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you traded sex for a burrito?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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