Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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