Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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