If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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