Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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