she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
