i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
