today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
