I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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