As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
