My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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