How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
