Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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