Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
