Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
