ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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