in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
