...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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