it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
