At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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