I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
