Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
