Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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