we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i out mim tonsoeep
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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