So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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