how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
