Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
