I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
