What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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