If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
NoShamevember. You game?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I would fuck him just for his dog
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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