how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
