Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
