Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
