I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
