Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
