You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
