my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
