meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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