You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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