Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
