Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
